How I was able to avoid Christmas shopping...

I am dying.

It's a triple whammy.

First, I am suffering from a wine hangover which is causing a nice dehydration vise around the back part of my head. I should've known to avoid 8 dollar bottle wine. What the fuck was I thinking.

Second on the death call list is a full blown sinusitis booger bomb that has gone off in the vicinity of my eye socket and blossomed into my forehead. I think my nose has gout. If I could cut it off, I would.

I also have the shits. I blame the first part for that problem.

My sister came by earlier this morning. I answered the door with my hoodie pulled up and wearing sunglasses. I hunkered behind the door like Renfield, trying to avoid the sunlight.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" That's the Nelson compassion coming out.

"Migraine. What the fuck do you want?"

"I was going to ask you if you wanted to go out but....damn, you look like the Unabomber."

"Shit sticks and die."

Did I mention we are the last of our line? Yeah. It's the love that keeps bringing people around.

So, my husband brought me home to Magical Pills the size of Twinkies the pharmacist said would help.

"I'm supposed to swallow these? Are you sure they aren't suppositories?"

I swallowed (heh....not my first time), crawled into bed and stayed there all day.

And that's how I missed out on the joys of Christmas Shopping on the last weekend before Christmas.

And that's why this post is so shitty.

Rewind and reload.